http://blueblue.phpsitemap.com/ sometimes you have to let it out to pull it together en http://blueblue.phpsitemap.com/2008/09/10/old-home-revisited.html I walked up to Georgetown today to return a jacket to Patagonia that I loved, but could not justify. I bought it during their huge sale thinking it was a parka. It was the perfect red. It fit really, really well. But it was a shell, not a parka, as well as I have something like that so I had to take it back as soon as possible so I wouldn’t retain this thing that wanted but did not need. I walked up M Street. This is a walk I used to do daily when I carpooled with a friend who worked in Georgetown. It felt a little like going back in time, walking up that road. A little bit of old residence that I never knew was residence at all. I passed Zeds, where BF as well as I once had really good Ethiopian food back when I was working on the farm. We had gone to meet as well as old friend of his who happened to be in town on business. She was there with her coworkers, all of them dressed in their business niceness, as well as I was in jeans as well as a tank top with my fingernails stained black from a day working the transplanter. Someone suggested we share a vegetarian plate (you eat Ethiopian with your hands) as well as I just kind of looked at my hands, looked at them, as well as tried to offer them an out. They didn’t care. It was a delicious, relaxed meal as well as really lovely company. I passed by Miss Saigon, where a friend as well as I went to dinner one night at the end of getting haircuts together. I passed the salon. I passed the firehouse. I thought about when I carried the three-tier stout cake that way from my friend’s office to mine, as well as the way the firemen had all ogled the cake (not me). I rediscovered a yarn store I had forgotten was there. Walking back, I came to the bridge that crosses over Rock Creek Park, as well as I approached the same homeless man that I used to see every day when I made this walk 2 years ago. He was deep in political discussion with someone, like he at all times used to be, newspaper in his lap. That year I watched him as a talkative, engaging man in the summer as well as then wither with the seasons into a blanket wrapped pleading bum in the winter. I would at all times stop as well as buy him coffee as well as something to eat, hoping to do something to manufacture a bright spot, add a bit of warmth, to his bitingly cold day. I pulled a dollar out of my wallet as well as placed it in his hands as I walked by. He looked me in the face, smiling as well as graciously thankful. I smiled back as well as continued on. He probably doesn’t remember me; he sees thousands of faces a day. Though I was sorry to see him in the same spot in life, it felt good to remember him, to give him a reason to smile. http://blueblue.phpsitemap.com/2008/09/10/old-home-revisited.html Wed, 10 Sep 2008 17:01:55 -0400 blueblue http://blueblue.phpsitemap.com/2008/09/05/spring-ahead.html It’s definitely spring. It has been since we got back from vacation on March 15. First, the crocuses. Then the daffodils followed. I’m not sure what happened next, but it included hyacinth, violets, dogwoods, cherry blossoms, maples, those pretty white spidery flowered trees that I haven’t figured out, the forsythia… as well as then the tulips. The grass is turning green. The lilies we planted in a pot last year are starting to poke above the soil, showing their green fans. A few trees are showing a green fuzz of new leaves. Potted herbs as well as lettuces are showing up at the farmers’ market. It. Is. Spring. It’s beautiful. I started a new job! I’m back in the nonprofit world; I’m thrilled. This is the last day of my second week. The first week was orientation as well as training. This week was a lot of web surfing as well as email. Next week I’m hoping there shall be more day-to-day work to retain me busy as well as that I can start taking more ownership of the projects. The mental break is good. I’ve discovered that I’ve lost a lot of my ability to focus with the last gig. I’m so used to multitasking as well as juggling that I don’t know how to slow down as well as really take something in. I think the forced rest is good, as well as that I’ll be able to approach the new work as well as new relationships fairly open as well as refreshed. This job is, I hope, the start of achieving some balance in my life again. It’s amazing to not check my work email obsessively every night as well as on weekends. I’ve set parameters with my boss as well as with myself as to what part of my life my job is permitted to be. Part is the key word there. I’m determined to retain those boundaries as well as get life on more of an even keel. BF as well as I went to visit family in PA over Presidents’ Day weekend. We had a really relaxed, low-key, fun time filled with just good visits. Time to talk as well as catch up. Time to bask in being happy to be in one another’s presence. It was great. We also went to AZ March 8-15 to go back to Supai. We spent a few days in Phoenix visiting with family, as well as then headed to Hilltop. We did the 10 mile hike in on Monday morning, hiked down to the Colorado River as well as back, about 14 miles round trip, on Tuesday, did some minor waterfall hiking as well as a lot of relaxing on Wednesday, as well as then hiked the 10 miles back out on Thursday. We managed probably 40 miles in 4 days. Not too bad! It was amazing. Breathtakingly beautiful. Serene. It’s the type of beauty where I had to stop as well as remind myself to look around because of the fact that I’m really here. The canyon walls have a way of making me feel so small as well as so present as well as a part of things at the same time. It was exhausting as well as rejuvenating. I’m so glad we were able to go back. I’ll post a few pictures soon! Mom was here last weekend. We went to see the cherry blossoms knowing that (but not really computing the ramifications of) it was the first weekend of the Cherry Blossom Festival, the Kite Festival was going on, there was a marathon, as well as there was some other long-distance walk on behalf of charity going on. Holy madhouse. It took a good half hour from the time that we exited the train doors until we saw the sunlight at the top of the metro escalator. We walked down, past the Washington Monument, where the kites were bright splashes of color against the white of the monument as well as the crisp blue of the sky. We walked down to the Tidal Basin as well as made our way an estimated all of the way around with the hundreds of thousands of others. The blossoms were in full bloom, hanging from the branches as well as dancing in the breeze. The sun was bright as well as the sky was a clear, pure blue. It was gorgeous, as well as Mom was tickled. Our visit also included an impromptu dinner party, a trip to a gallery as well as to the Phillips Collection, a trip to Stitch DC on behalf of yarn to manufacture Tubey, new shoes on behalf of mom, and, of course, introducing her to everyone at the farmers’ market. It was a really lovely visit. http://blueblue.phpsitemap.com/2008/09/05/spring-ahead.html Fri, 05 Sep 2008 19:48:29 -0400 blueblue http://blueblue.phpsitemap.com/2008/09/08/i-knit-a-shawl.html A whole shawl! The Heavenly Shawl, to be exact. I used about a skein as well as a half of the Solitude light worsted hand painted yarn that I got at the Dupont Circle Farmers’ Market. The yarn is a more sticky wool—probably not the typical shawl material, but I love it. (I just won’t add any fringe.) Want to see it? Isn’t it awesome? The colors are like the mountains turning to spring, with the bright green of the new leaves contrasting against the rock, soil, as well as dark evergreens. I was knitting away at it as we drove up to NY last weekend, as well as the similarity in the color of the yarn as well as the color of the landscape kept striking me. I’ve started poking around on Ravelry, which has kind of jump started my mojo. I knit that shawl in 10 days, bought yarn on behalf of as well as cast on on behalf of Tubey, as well as ordered yarn on behalf of the Honeymoon Cami as well as Picovoli from Knit Picks. I also think I’m going to manufacture a Clapotis on behalf of a friend on behalf of her birthday using some Artyarns Regal Silk that a friend gave me in color 112. The an estimated all amazing thing of all is that this does not sound not possible to me. How can that be? It has been an intense couple of weeks. A very, very good friend’s son had brain surgery as well as then developed meningitis as a complication as well as had to be hospitalized again. He came residence yesterday as well as ultimately seems on the upswing. I have been checking in with, cooking for, babysitting for, as well as grocery shopping on behalf of her just to endeavour to relieve her burden in any way that I can. My best friend’s grandfather died, too. Her family is my second family, as well as I felt his loss more keenly than I expected. He meant more to me than any of my blood grandparents ever did (do), as well as I was left hoping that he knew how much I loved, appreciated, as well as respected him. I have to trust that he did. I spent last week cooking as well as baking on behalf of the memorial, as well as we drove up to NY on behalf of the weekend as well as the memorial service. It was a long weekend, but so worth it. It was good to connect with the whole family combined as well as to remember him. They said that, when he ultimately passed on, they sky was the an estimated all brilliant sunset that anyone had ever seen. Mom said she thinks they were opening up, welcoming him in. It makes me smile to think she’s right. I’m still working on finding balance in my life. As exhausting as the past few weeks have been, it’s also been exhilarating to have the energy to be there on behalf of my friends. My job has become busy sufficient to be interesting, but allows me a lot of down time to get my head combined as well as do some little life maintenance things, like pay bills as well as go to the gym. I’m also back on the Metro, so goodbye $210/month, but HELLO KNITTING TIME! And reading, eventually. Oh! I got a sewing machine on behalf of my birthday a few months back. Yesterday these arrived: Because I require more things causing clutter as well as more projects that I don’t have time for. But I can’t help it, I’m really, really excited. BRING ON THE FABRIC!!! http://blueblue.phpsitemap.com/2008/09/08/i-knit-a-shawl.html Mon, 08 Sep 2008 19:08:08 -0400 blueblue http://blueblue.phpsitemap.com/2008/09/05/casting-on-again.html I cast on on behalf of the clapotis. I know, I know… cheating on Tubey already. But there’s an April 30th deadline! Stop laughing. It’s also 84 degrees in DC today as well as my predominant project is a long-sleeved sweater. Let’s discuss my planning skills here. Oh wait, there’s nothing to say because of the fact that I DON’T HAVE ANY. I have whims. Oh well. Anywho, this is the Clapotis nub that I have done. This is the progress I have to show on behalf of my morning metro ride. Pretty pathetic, hey? It’s in Artyarns Regal Silk, color 112. I have 4 skeins, as well as I’m afraid it won’t be enough. My friend is big boned as well as broader than average, as well as so I may require to do an additional repeat or two. This may be where I should draw attention to that the tag on the yarn specifically says, “This yarn is Hand Painted. No two dye lots are identical. Be sure to purchase sufficient yarn.” I’m choosing to ignore that right now. (I’m sure I’ll be sorry later.) Of course, that Knit Picks order should be arriving any day, as well as I got yarn on behalf of those other projects, too… I sense a big case of ADD heading my way. http://blueblue.phpsitemap.com/2008/09/05/casting-on-again.html Fri, 05 Sep 2008 23:57:10 -0400 blueblue http://blueblue.phpsitemap.com/2008/09/05/gardens-and-mushrooms-and-ticks-oh-my.html It was another busy weekend. I don’t seem to know how to have any other kind. Saturday I went as well as help set up at the farmers market, as well as then socialized on behalf of another 3 hours. I was back at my residence market at the end of working a different one all winter. I’ve come to love the winter market, the people there, working with BF, as well as I thought I’d be really sad to leave it. Part of me is, but then part of me is giddy with joy to see the friends from my residence market that I have missed all winter. My cheeks hurt from smiling by the time I left. And there was asparagus as well as strawberries! YUM. After market we worked about 160 lbs. of compost into the 2 raised beds. It’s probably not enough, but it’s a good start. BF sent the soil samples off to the cooperative extension today, so we’ll see what they say. We broke the hoe (oh, that sounds bad), so BF used the smoothing rakey thing while I used a hand hoe to work it in. Ow. We’re so tickled to have it done though. Next week we’ll get some plants from the market as well as get them in the ground. I’ve already got rosemary, lavender, lemon verbena, chocolate mint, pineapple sage, tarragon, thyme, as well as basil ready to go. We have a bay tree as well as marjoram that have survived in pots over the winter, as well as I have oregano that comes back every year already peeking up as well as saying hello. I’m contemplating a bit of a tea garden this year. I have chamomile seeds (and some others that I can’t really remember right now) that I think I’m going to stick in a pot as well as see what they do. The raised beds are where the stump was from the tree that dropped on the house. See, stump removal is a rather misleading way to describe what they do with the stump. They actually grind it up with the existing dirt to create a woody mulch pile. Mound. Hill. In the middle of the back yard. And then you get to decide what to do with the hill. We made a garden because, honestly, we had no other ideas. Saturday was rounded out with friends coming over on behalf of a few beers. It was a good day. Sunday we slept in as well as then set out to do some morel mushroom foraging. BF has been doing his research as well as chose a location that wasn’t too far away. I can’t tell you where because of the fact that OH BOY did we score big. We ventured from the path into a wooded area as well as looked at the trees around us. We didn’t really see the elms or tulip poplars that the morels are supposed to grow around. We were set to give up as well as get back on the trail when I happened to look down. “Oh, oh, oh look what you just stepped directly over!!” Two beautiful morels poking their heads above the leafy cover that BF had just missed with his booted size 13s. Bliss! Despite the dreary weather, the setting was gorgeous. There were rolling hills with a wide variety of trees (blooming dogwoods, evergreens, elms, oaks, poplars, as well as who knows what else.) all bursting into spring. There were wildflowers blooming, as well as we even saw two owls! There was a horse event taking place, so folks on horseback dotted the hills. This was someplace we wouldn’t have gone if not on behalf of the foraging, so it was a really pleasant surprise to find it filled with so much beauty. And, we ended up with about 164 morels. Our record before that was, I think 8. Yes, I typed that correctly, 8. We spent two, maybe more, hours in that spot finding morel at the end of morel. There were veins of them, leading us in one direction, then another. MarleyQ was as patient as she could be with us, occasionally trying to sneak off, but spending a good portion of the time sitting contigous to us or lying in the leaves as well as dirt, panting as well as finding ways to manufacture her presence known. We noticed the time, decided we had a good haul on behalf of our outing as well as very reluctantly got back on the path because of the fact that we knew THERE WERE MORE OUT THERE. Click to manufacture these bigger… We also ended up with something even more unexpected… Marley, in her eternal patience, sat herself in a nest of ticks. Lone star ticks. Nymph stage lone star ticks. We were in the parking lot on behalf of a good 45 minutes pulling freckle-sized ticks off of her belly. Soon we realized it was much more than we could possibly tackle in the parking lot. We loaded her in the car, got home, stripped at the front door as well as threw our clothes as well as backpacks right into the washer, as well as threw her in the tub. I scrubbed her, conditioned her, as well as then we had her on the floor with all of the overhead lights on as well as lamps with the lampshades removed placed strategically around us while we combed, tweezed, plucked, as well as pulled hundreds of ticks off of her body. Most were on her back end—you know, where the hair is really long as well as thick. The poor girl dropped asleep while we, on behalf of two hours, went over every square inch of her body. (Did you know dogs can have freckles? So cute! Don’t endeavour to tweeze them off.) This morning we found a few more, as well as we anticipate that shall continue on behalf of a bit. Gross. Now our skin is crawling as well as we’re both completely paranoid about every tickle, itch as well as pinch that we feel. I know there are more on me. Somewhere. Hiding. Sucking my blood. I know it. But jeez, dinner was really, really good last night. And BF is going back on behalf of more on Wednesday. http://blueblue.phpsitemap.com/2008/09/05/gardens-and-mushrooms-and-ticks-oh-my.html Fri, 05 Sep 2008 19:39:03 -0400 blueblue http://blueblue.phpsitemap.com/2008/09/08/happy-free-cone-day.html It’s Ben as well as Jerry’s Free Cone Day. I haven’t had Ben as well as Jerry’s in a good, good long time. I used to go every year, but I haven’t worked near one in a spell. It was good to be back in the ‘hood as well as have some midday chocolate therapy on a sugar cone. The Clapotis won't be done on behalf of the April 30 deadline. Not by a long shot. But, I’m making some progress. See? The pink blob is bigger! I have not yet ordered more yarn. We won’t celebrate the birthday immediately, so hopefully I can buy some yarn, buy some time as well as still manufacture it before it’s noticeably late. The yarn arrived yesterday on behalf of Picovoli as well as the Honeymoon Cami. Must. Not. Succumb. In very exciting news, I’m going to the Maryland Sheep as well as Wool Festival on behalf of the first time this year as well as I’m sooooo excited. I’m definitely going with the farmer I work for, which should be SO FUN. She’s the type of good energy that makes me feel like a mooch to be in her presence because of the fact that I KNOW I’m not giving back as much as I’m getting. I’M SUCKING YOUR ESSENCE! A friend from the last gig that I’d be thrilled to hang out with as well as BF may come along too. BF said he’d come if they had lamb chops, I think trying on behalf of inappropriate, but oh boy do they. (He also wants to go see Lynn Rosetto Kasper of Splendid Table speak at the farmers’ market, so we’ll see what wins out.) In the Great Tick Debacle, 2008, we pulled another 50 or more ticks off of Marley last night. Those little, tiny, pencil-point size ones really suck. Ha. Bad unintentional pun. BF found a bunch down the length of her tail, we both found clusters of them in her paws, as well as there were still more in her backside hair that we so affectionately call her “Farrahs” because of the fact that they look like Farrah Fawcett’s bangs from the olden days. Poor girl. BF did call the vet, who kind of just said that these things happen. We did the right thing with the quick removal, as well as any sickness would show up with time. Lyme is unlikely since they’re lone star ticks, thank goodness. We’ve already done that once thankyouverymuch. http://blueblue.phpsitemap.com/2008/09/08/happy-free-cone-day.html Mon, 08 Sep 2008 20:08:32 -0400 blueblue http://blueblue.phpsitemap.com/2008/09/13/clenching-is-expensive.html So I just got back from yet another visit to my dentist. We’re buds, the dentist as well as I. I trust him implicitly, in spite of our rocky history. Do you know the back story? I don’t think I’ve told you. Well, I did the very scientific search on behalf of a dentist by looking in the provider directory at the offices closest to my work as well as calling the list until I found an office where I could manufacture an appointment fairly quickly. That was this guy. I walked in, he did a whole health history—I mean sitting down with me, asking questions, going through the forms I filled out. I was impressed. And then he says my full name out loud. He says, “That name has a lot of meaning on behalf of me.” I had all I could do not to groan out loud. Here we go… “Well,” he says, “my daughter shares your first name.” Ok. That wasn’t bad. “And your last name. My favorite patient ever had your last name. Are you related to a Margaret?” The wheels start churning in my brain. Margaret? Margaret. Grampy had a sister named Margaret. Margaret lived in DC. Holy crap YES I AM RELATED TO HER. We were both floored. He said he gave her her beautiful smile. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that she was a nasty old bat that we never saw smile, as well as the bond was formed. So today I went in on behalf of a filling, as well as came out with impressions done to get a mouth guard. Um? My last job was very, very stressful. Over the course of my last job, I knew that I had starting clenching my jaw at night. I used to just clench my fists, but my stress level had risen to a whole new level, as well as so I would not only with the little half moon fingernail imprints in my palms, but with a sore jaw, too. Double the goodness! Clenching has taken its toll. He mentioned it when I first walked in, that he could see the damage to my teeth. Then, I requested about the space that has formed between my relatively new crown as well as the next tooth. He did the impressions. I go back in 3 weeks. The picture has nothing to do with anything. I just like it. There’s more of the pink blob of clapotis, but it’s kind of boring to show. We also got another 30 ticks off the dog. The poor thing doesn’t desire us to come near her anymore. (Btw, I love his staff, too. Both of the nurses as well as the front desk person that see me are amazingly nice, upbeat, personal, caring, they follow up on promises, as well as they remember who I am as well as what’s going on when I go in or when I call. They’re also good with the payment plan, since the doc stopped taking insurance. (I can still get reimbursed, I just have to pay up front.) I might knit them all pretty scarves on behalf of Christmas. ) http://blueblue.phpsitemap.com/2008/09/13/clenching-is-expensive.html Sat, 13 Sep 2008 20:01:01 -0400 blueblue http://blueblue.phpsitemap.com/2008/09/12/youre-over-the-imaginary-line.html I’m small, so I at all times get the sprawlers plopping down contigous to me on the Metro. You know what I’m talking about—those people who sit down, spread out their arms as well as legs, spread out their newspapers, squish you further into the corner of your seat than you already were, scoff at ideas of personal space, as well as hinder any possibility of even slight movement. Sometimes the flailing pointy sticks are a deterrent. Not today. Today, I think the sprawling excuse may have been long legs, but this bloke slid himself down into the seat at an angle, so he was partially over the not-so-imaginary line on my side of the seat. There are very obviously two seat cushions there. A visible divider. But it didn’t matter. I really think I heard a vacuum seal go WHOOOOOSH as he promptly lowered himself in as well as settled into his/my space with his newspaper. As always, I was knitting. Knitting requires arm movement. He was partially on my seat cushion. Every time I grazed his side with my elbow, which was tucked in to my side because of the fact that I was trying to manufacture myself as small as possible as well as avoid contact, the guy would visibly flinch as well as cast a glance my way. I do mean the word graze. I was not poking or being forceful in any way. I contemplated saying something to point out that it was not possible to manufacture myself any smaller as well as that he was clearly over the line, but then I had visions of childhood car trips where I had to sit in the middle, feet straddling the “hump”, while my sisters got the more ample, comfortable outside space as well as boy how that got me steamed. Steamed with volume. My voice is probably still ringing in my parents’ ears. So, I felt childish. Justified, but still childish. And besides, he had a sneezing fit about 5 minutes into the trip that resulted in much nose honking, as well as I decided best not to manufacture him aim in my direction with some instigating conversation. When I did tuck my knitting back into my bag, he actually took notice, inquired if this stop was mine, as well as politely got up to let me out. Go figure. I’m on the 5th increase repeat of the pink blob. It’s coming along… slowly. http://blueblue.phpsitemap.com/2008/09/12/youre-over-the-imaginary-line.html Fri, 12 Sep 2008 19:34:28 -0400 blueblue http://blueblue.phpsitemap.com/2008/09/13/happy-things.html Please pardon the appearance of this post. Nothing that I did made it look less than like complete ass as well as I gave up. Cheerio! There’s so much to write about, as well as so few pictures taken to show you what I’m talking about! I’m a bad blogger. The garden beds are in as well as the plan has been created. I am just so excited! We’re doing tomatoes, hot peppers, beans, black-eyed or purple-hulled peas, cucumbers, chard, lettuce, radishes, carrots, herbs, as well as maybe some other stuff that I’m not remembering. This weekend we’ll get the fertilizer as well as lime mixed in as well as the plants as well as seeds in the ground. I scared a bunny out of the strawberry patch yesterday, so we’ll have to put some fencing around the beds once everything is in. Marley would love to be on 24/7 bunny patrol, but I don’t think the neighbors would appreciate it so much. I also potted some Euphorium with the Tiny Hope Lilies that came back from last year, as well as put an adorable row of potted angel wing begonias as well as scented geraniums along our front walk. They manufacture me so happy to see them when I pull up to the house. I went to MDSW with the farmer as well as her sister, as well as oh my we had so much fun. It was a perfect day. I’ll post more about that with pics of the yarn I bought next post. BF went out to do more morel hunting the mid-week at the end of we found the last haul. He came back with about 75 more (and no ticks this time). We’ve been eating really, really well. When you click to manufacture that bigger, notice the can of Dale’s Pale Ale (which is so very tasty) on behalf of size comparison. The pink blob grows larger each day. Here it is, hard at work creating process flows. I’m doing an additional set of increases, as well as then I’m on to the straight rows. It actually has some length now, so I feel like I’m making progress. I require to find some time to really hunker down as well as spend a few hours on it so I can get it done. My niece’s birthday is in June, as well as she’d like polka-dotted mittens, a striped scarf, as well as then I’d like to replace the two hats that I had made her as well as she grew out of. I think I’m setting myself up on behalf of failure on that deadline again… 40 minutes a day of knitting time really doesn’t accomplish things very quickly. But, if I could get the scarf as well as mittens done, I’d be happy. http://blueblue.phpsitemap.com/2008/09/13/happy-things.html Sat, 13 Sep 2008 21:42:04 -0400 blueblue http://blueblue.phpsitemap.com/2008/09/12/next.html I’ve been really deep in my posses head lately. It seems too personal to share, feels futile to talk about, as well as is just encompassing as well as overwhelming. I started my new job with the hope as well as excitement that all of us start new employment opportunities with. I knew when I took the position (as it’s the same position as my last hell gig) that it is not something I desire to do with my life. Hell, it’s not something I particularly enjoy, as well as it is not personally fulfilling in any way. But it got me back into the nonprofit world. A world with meaning. A world where the mission gives back, even if the work does not. I was right. The mission does give back some. The dysfunction is also mind boggling. I am constantly astounded by the way things “work” here. I know that being more involved in direct program work would manufacture a world of difference in my tolerance of the chaos, as well as I did come to this place because of the fact that there shall be room on behalf of movement with time. But, right now, I don’t know quite how to process it all as well as manufacture it a positive thing. I’m not good at rolling with it, as well as feeling this enormous sense of being disheartened is making every small chaotic explosion that occurs something much, much bigger to me. I’m frozen with the sense: This can’t be all. This is not all there is. I desire to do more than this. I don’t feel cut off from possibility. It’s the opposite—I find the amount of possibility out there overwhelming. I don’t trust myself to opt on behalf of well, or opt on behalf of correctly. None of my big Make A Huge Change plans have worked out. I’ve learned a lot of really valuable lessons, as well as I know that life is a series of steps—not a destination point—but I would really like to start proceeding with less major lessons as well as more day-to-day happiness as well as confidence. Does that happen? I’ve been having this conversation on behalf of years. What next? What now? How do I choose? I’m tired of having it with myself. I think others are tired of hearing it from me. More as well as more when I endeavour to talk out loud about it, I feel like I’m faced with others’ judgment as well as interpretations, as well as not supported by people who actually hear me or desire to help me sort it through. “People manufacture life changes all of the time. There’s no reason you can’t just start over.” (Is it really that easy?) “You haven’t liked a job on behalf of as long as I’ve known you. I don’t even think you liked one before I knew you.” (So I decide not to like my work, or I create bad workplace situations?) “You just require to transfer back residence as well as do this or do that!” (As much as it would be lovely to be closer to you, as well as as attractive as that sometimes sounds, it won't solve my problems.) “If you moved someplace with a lower cost of living…” (Cost of living is irrelevant. I still don’t know what I desire to do. And, I reside on the super cheap.) Maybe I’ve talked about it too much. Maybe it’s just my defensiveness. Maybe it’s just that I’m so stuck. There is so much possibility. How do I take a possibility as well as manufacture it possible? And what if it all goes wrong? And where do I find the time to research the possibility as well as start moving forward? “Making” time isn’t simple. Round as well as round I go, a whirlpool in my head, tiredness in my body, as well as reaching to find a piece that I can call a foundation to start building my Next upon. http://blueblue.phpsitemap.com/2008/09/12/next.html Fri, 12 Sep 2008 19:54:40 -0400 blueblue